relationshipping, trans talk

How NOT to come out to your girlfriend

How NOT to come out to your girlfriend

How about not on ecstasy?

Especially if it’s your GF’s first time on E?

This is what I remember:
Consumption of bitter white powder and 15 minutes later, I’m reeling over the toilet as my body wants this poison out ASAP.  But it doesn’t come up and another 15 minutes later I think I start feeling pretty fuzzy and sedate.  My boyfriend joins me on the couch after his porch cigarette and we’re doing the ecstasy love-stare into each other’s eyes when…

Him: I have to tell you something.
*big, trepidatious sigh, pregnant pause*
I’m a crossdresser.
Me: Seriously?
Him: slowly nodding, Seriously.
Me: Okaaay…processing, processing, on MDMA, processing…I’m really glad you’re telling me this…I still love you. I believe we’re shedding some tears; his of relief and mine, sympathetic

And then I’m off the couch, über-happy, dancing to music (where did that lovely beat come from?) and I grab his hands.  Let’s dress you the way you want to be dressed!!!, I say.  I’m so fucking high and elated at this point and all I remember is a collage of pink, orange, white and blue fabrics and colored bras that I’m putting on my bf as I’m shown a remarkable collection of his heels. Wow.  The heel collection makes his confession hit home: my boyfriend really is a crossdresser. But that hit is short-lived as my emotions are still in a blissful E-tornado.

And then morning hits.

I feel like total crap.  I’m drained and my body is not impressed with the dose of toxins its been subjected to and my mind is trying to begin the morning-after sort.  After I re-realize that, yes, my boyfriend really did come out as a crossdresser last night, my emotions start to kick in. I suddenly have a zillion questions (since when? why now? does anyone else know? what does this mean? is this a precursor to something more? etc. etc.),  I’m confused for the future and I’m pissed (was it his plan to dope me ridiculously happy so I would give him the reaction he wanted?!!!). And WTF is this dreadful feeling in the pit of my stomach saying, “there’s more…”?  The trifecta of anger-suspicion-mistrust is the main reason why I suggest not coming out to your partner on mind-bending drugs.

Mostly unbeknownst to us, it will have turned out to be the 1st chapter of an entirely new relationship.

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