on an unrequited love theme:
Him: I like her. A lot. And the fact that she has a penis? Hotttt.
Her: How do I know I’m not just a fetish object if he’s so damned turned on by my penis?
A conundrum, indeed.
It’s not just about the body parts, it’s not objectification but a turn-on is a turn-on. Historically, it seems that anything that deviates from the publicly broadcast hetero-norm (ahem homosexuality) is quickly labeled deviant or a fetish.
How conveniently dismissive.
How fucking willingly ignorant.
I sit at a trans bar as my friend crushes on this beautiful-cute woman.
“So…how do you describe your sexual identity these days?”
“I say I’m bisexual.”
I look at him, confused, and we simultaneously blurt:
“But I—you’re not.”
“But what do I say?”
“Hmm…you’re not gay.”
“I’m not gay. I like women. I just, you know…”
“Yeah, I know.”
“So do we say transwoman-oriented?”
It’s a tough, lonely world for transsexuals.
In a sad twist of irony, it’s pretty lonely for those who are trans-oriented as well.
I hold this thought and questions happen.
Then I hear S in my head: What’s the point, if he wants me pre-op and my entire aim is to eventually have SRS?
He wants her to stay as she is, honing in on the one thing that causes her enormous grief.
Okay, so probably she ought not date a pre-op-trans-oriented individual but to assume that those who show interest are probably fetishising her for their fun time isn’t the fairest attitude. People want romantic relationships and usually it’s best with those who turn us on sexually.
And what about the inevitable pre/post-op question?
(Or is she undecided?)
Asking this upfront is an awesome way to lose and get dismissed as a prying fetishist.
Besides, it’s really about getting to know her.
A-n-d…sometimes, say, even though pre-op is usually his type, it doesn’t matter so much when he discovers she’s had SRS.
Because he likes her. A lot.
They don’t know about lasting into the future but in the here and now, they’re happy.
Maybe they’ll try a happily ever after, maybe it’ll be a damn fine chapter, maybe they’ll make each other shudder in the next six months.
Either way, the romantic in me wants them to have the story.