trans talk

A variation

variation

 

on an unrequited love theme:

Him: I like her.  A lot.  And the fact that she has a penis?  Hotttt.
Her: How do I know I’m not just a fetish object if he’s so damned turned on by my penis?

A conundrum, indeed.

It’s not just about the body parts, it’s not objectification but a turn-on is a turn-on.  Historically, it seems that anything that deviates from the publicly broadcast hetero-norm (ahem homosexuality) is quickly labeled deviant or a fetish.
How conveniently dismissive.
How fucking willingly ignorant.

I sit at a trans bar as my friend crushes on this beautiful-cute woman.
“So…how do you describe your sexual identity these days?”
“I say I’m bisexual.”

I look at him, confused, and we simultaneously blurt:
“But I—you’re not.”

“Right?”
“Right.”

“But what do I say?”
“Hmm…you’re not gay.”

“I’m not gay.  I like women.  I just, you know…”
“Yeah, I know.”
“So do we say transwoman-oriented?”

It’s a tough, lonely world for transsexuals.
But.
In a sad twist of irony, it’s pretty lonely for those who are trans-oriented as well.

I hold this thought and questions happen.

Then I hear S in my head: What’s the point, if he wants me pre-op and my entire aim is to eventually have SRS?
He wants her to stay as she is, honing in on the one thing that causes her enormous grief.

Okay, so probably she ought not date a pre-op-trans-oriented individual but to assume that those who show interest are probably fetishising her for their fun time isn’t the fairest attitude.  People want romantic relationships and usually it’s best with those who turn us on sexually.

And what about the inevitable pre/post-op question?
(Or is she undecided?)
Asking this upfront is an awesome way to lose and get dismissed as a prying fetishist.
Besides, it’s really about getting to know her.
A-n-d…sometimes, say, even though pre-op is usually his type, it doesn’t matter so much when he discovers she’s had SRS.
Because he likes her.  A lot.

They don’t know about lasting into the future but in the here and now, they’re happy.
Maybe they’ll try a happily ever after, maybe it’ll be a damn fine chapter, maybe they’ll make each other shudder in the next six months.

Either way, the romantic in me wants them to have the story.

 

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9 thoughts on “A variation

  1. narcopathcrusher says:

    I think it is a tough world for everyone who is different. Religion plays still a great part in shaming sexuality. If you combine that with average straight person who rejects everything he can’t understand even if it doesn’t affect their life…no wonder gay suicides are sky high.

    • Ah religion…it’s been interesting and refreshing in Japan where religion doesn’t play a role at all in the sexuality shaming realm.
      BUT omg the suicide rate here is so sky high, it’s frightening and disheartening. (currently averages at one every 20m.)
      Progress not perfection all around, it seems…

  2. narcopathcrusher says:

    I had 2 good European friends who married japanese men. They told me that their marriages ended up sexless very quickly and that this happens to around 70% of the married couples in Japan. Especially for the one guy i am sure he is a closeted gay and it makes me so sad for both of them. From what you have witnessed are women objectified and is the Madonna-whore complex a common phenomenon in the japanese society?

    • Women aren’t objectified much, actually and I haven’t noticed the Madonna-whore complex but that could be because cheating is so rampant here. Among married folks there’s a very accepted mentality of: do who/what you want, just don’t make me have to deal with it. Which would make sexless marriages unsurprising.

  3. narcopathcrusher says:

    Why does that happen in your opinion? The rampant cheating? I mean since religion doesn’t play any part in guilting you not to divorce like it happens in christian marriages? Why do they choose to stay married?

    • Divorce is such an arduous, costly process if both people don’t want it. There’s no such thing as “irreconcilable differences”; the way divorce laws are written, somebody has to be at fault. And ultimately, it’s about money. The vast majority would rather stay unhappily married than pay the huge cost or do without the spouse’s income.
      That’s my best quick summation before I head to bed for the night 🙂

      • narcopathcrusher says:

        Can i ask for a post about transvestite artists like musicians or actors? If it isn’t too much trouble.

      • it’s not what I’m so knowledgable about but I’ll do some research and see what I come up with; hopefully enough for a worthwhile post 🙂

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