relationshipping

Was I a fake lesbian?

Was I a fake lesbian

Sure, according to an ex.

Many years ago she told me I was most likely a straight girl because our relationship was my only lesbian experience.  I was vaguely insulted by this because by that time we had been together for years and really, you’re telling me that I, in essence, am not a ‘real’ lesbian because if we were to break up I’d most certainly date a guy?

So much for living in the moment and seven years of historical evidence.
But I proved her right because I sure as hell ended up with a guy (at least at first).

When GF (then BF) and I started dating we had some queer talk:
Me: You know, when I was with ***, my hetero history was a strike against me.
Him: What do you mean?
Me: Because to her, since I’d only been with men boys up to that point, I wasn’t really gay.  Especially since she’d only ever dated women.
Him: If it was important to me to label you gay or straight, I’d prefer that you’d been with men and women.  Because you would know for sure if you were gay after those experiences.

And this might be when I started to fall for him.  I appreciate his rationale because it’s so darn sensible (and it just so happened to nullify my insecurities).  Not to mention dating me requires acceptance of my curious (and curiouser) history, which has shaped and transformed my worldview to the present.

Speaking of, when I saw IO Tillet Wright’s TED video, 50 Shades of Gay, I was immediately intrigued by her question:

“[I] asked people to quantify themselves on a scale of one to 100 percent gay, and I watched so many existential crises unfold in front of me. People didn’t know what to do, because they had never been presented with the option before.”

She brings up an excellent point regarding discrimination: where do you draw the line?  I actually had hetero guilt post lesbian relationship because I felt I had this weird privilege that I wasn’t used to; aside from lesbo-dyke slurs, I’d gotten kicked out of a store, for chrissakes, for holding my girlfriend’s hand.

I’m not 100% gay or straight, which means I’m floating in the grey with a surprisingly large part of the population, which really makes LGBTQ discrimination fucking inane and just plain dumb.

Happy Pride 2013, y’all.
Was I a fake lesbian

Advertisements
Standard

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s