You tell me this

You tell me this


You know when you just find something out about someone and it surprises the fuck out of you because they’ve been able to keep a secret for that long?

And it makes you rethink everything because you realize- wow- this person can keep a secret for a long time.  Like three years long.

Take when GF confessed that she had been feeding me yum food and libation samples like a one-eyed paraplegic on purpose, waiting for the day I’d catch on to the fact that she was purposely ouch-hitting the roof of my mouth, slopping crap on my chin, stickying my nose with reductions (it goes on) because you can’t mis-aim that badly unless you’re doing it on purpose.

So I’m thinking she is an ijiot with beyond negative hand-eye coordination and it even makes me grouchy in the process:
Ow! Could you not ram that spoon into my cheek?  Umm…ginger syrup on my face.  Is that crap on my neck?!  How did you get it on my neck?
Omg, are you retarded?  Seriously, I think I’m dating a slightly retarded person.

Not only do I think GF is fucktarded, I say that if I were to ever rethink the kids thing, you just confirmed it.  No way am I having kids with you- you would kill them or drown them with milk or whatever kid sauce they consume.

The fact that I don’t catch on gives her waaay too much hilarious delight so she continues her clumsy tasting game.  THREE YEARS she does this.  Meanwhile, I just resign myself to being with someone who is kind-of a moron.

But I’m the fucking moron, thinking her to be a stupid person when, really, she was having the last laugh a bazillion times over.
This impresses me and makes me like her more.


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