if you’re a transsexual and you live with me.

GF thinks she’s fat.
*sigh*
Here we go…
She’s not fat but most women feel fat sometimes.  I think her gender dysphoria has transitioned into body dysmorphia.  Anyhow, her plan is like this:

GF: I’m going to start eating the same amount of the same foods that you eat.
Me: Uh…okay.
GF: You’re much skinnier than me so by that reasoning I can’t help but lose weight.
Me: Sure, but we’re not around each other 24/7 so you won’t be able to truly mimic what I eat.
GF: That’s okay because you eat a lot more than I do anyway.  I mean, you eat a lot of food so I should be sated when we do eat together because you eat so much.  Seriously, I don’t know how you do it.  You should be a lot bigger…I kind-of hate you for it.
Me: I should be bigger?  Wait a second, you really know how much I eat?  Suddenly I feel self-conscious.
GF: Uh yeah.  We’ve been living together for almost three years and we usually eat together; you’re a bottomless pit.  Even when we started dating I was amazed you could take out more food than me and stay the size you are.  Face it, Rumi- you devour the fridge.
Me: What the fuck “face it” are you talking about?!  I have an overactive thyroid (which will probably come to a sudden pre-menopausal halt as soon as this is published) which is the only reason I eat non-stop.  I have to.  I get all shaky like I need hard drugs if I’m not consuming calories every hour.

On a side note, while GF has been taking careful measure of how much I consume in relation to my height-weight ratio, she has managed to completely ignore said ratio when dosing me with psychoactive substances.  It literally just now occurs to her, many moons after superintense brain trips, that maybe she shouldn’t have dosed my 5’4½” (163.83cm), 105-lb. (47.63kg) ass as one would a 6′ (183cm), 170-lb. (77kg) man.

You think?
Because honestly, I feel really lucky that most of my brain bits came back from that other world, the one where I was howling for hours among tall-as-me green reeds at night with only my long-haired tabby cat as my guide, who magically grew into supersized lion and let me ride on his back while holding onto his whiskers.