Aside from the hindsight hilarity, it is really fucking uncomfortable to witness people I know having sex.
For instance, we take a detour and get a room in DC. There are five of us and two beds; I get first pick of sleeping position since I’ll be driving at daybreak, which will be happening in a number of hours. Really big guy chooses the other bed, the side that hugs the wall and as far away from me as possible. I don’t remember anything else as I must have crashed.
Because the next thing I know I’m getting jostled as someone elbows me in the kidneys. And I hear make out sounds next to me. Awesome.
Why am I awake? Just sleep. Just fucking go to sleep, Rumi.
They move to the floor. Good. Just stay there.
And they do.
For eight minutes (maybe it was longer, maybe shorter).
I try to block out loud and drunken, right-before-sex kissing sounds. I also try to block out the rapid humping sex sounds that soon follow while feeling a little sorry for her because it sounds so…lame.
Aw crap, guys. Why are you crawling back onto the bed? Really?
I’m really hoping they stay put. I mentally command them to just go to sleep, while hoping even more so that I pass the fuck out.
But neither happens, of course.
Instead, there’s more stupid lame sex rightnexttome and there’s no way I’m sleeping because at this point I’m getting mad. There’s the whole floor, for starters. Why not go back there? And a bathroom. Why not try it out? And I have to drive for so many hours the next day because not enough people in this room can drive a goddamn stick. AND I do not get off on witnessing the sex like this.
This is my introduction to my new roommate, by the way.
And because she’ll be moving in after this trip, I hesitate to say anything. But because she is who I’ll be living with for at least six months is exactly why I should jump up and tell them to get another fucking room.
Setting precedents is not always a strength of mine.