happens.
Aside from the hindsight hilarity, it is really fucking uncomfortable to witness people I know having sex.
For instance, we take a detour and get a room in DC. There are five of us and two beds; I get first pick of sleeping position since I’ll be driving at daybreak, which will be happening in a number of hours. Really big guy chooses the other bed, the side that hugs the wall and as far away from me as possible. I don’t remember anything else as I must have crashed.
Because the next thing I know I’m getting jostled as someone elbows me in the kidneys. And I hear make out sounds next to me. Awesome.
Why am I awake? Just sleep. Just fucking go to sleep, Rumi.
They move to the floor. Good. Just stay there.
And they do.
For eight minutes (maybe it was longer, maybe shorter).
I try to block out loud and drunken, right-before-sex kissing sounds. I also try to block out the rapid humping sex sounds that soon follow while feeling a little sorry for her because it sounds so…lame.
Aw crap, guys. Why are you crawling back onto the bed? Really?
I’m really hoping they stay put. I mentally command them to just go to sleep, while hoping even more so that I pass the fuck out.
But neither happens, of course.
Instead, there’s more stupid lame sex rightnexttome and there’s no way I’m sleeping because at this point I’m getting mad. There’s the whole floor, for starters. Why not go back there? And a bathroom. Why not try it out? And I have to drive for so many hours the next day because not enough people in this room can drive a goddamn stick. AND I do not get off on witnessing the sex like this.
This is my introduction to my new roommate, by the way.
And because she’ll be moving in after this trip, I hesitate to say anything. But because she is who I’ll be living with for at least six months is exactly why I should jump up and tell them to get another fucking room.
Setting precedents is not always a strength of mine.
My BF turned me into a lesbian...in Japan 
Oh dear, you have outclassed me. I’ve just had to live next to humping rabbits with the faintest of Japanese walls to separate us. Man it is funny the way some women fake their orgasms… and the way their men fall for it every time.
Haha! Last sentence is priceless 🙂
Oh the faking it…that’s setting a certain precedent I’ve never understood.
Yes, and you would always have to maintain that level. I know people say that faking it is polite, but isn’t it better to so your partner what you like, and then it will be better next time?
Exactly!
Seriously, people say faking it is polite?!
Dear god…
There is that school of thought. I think it’s for those people who like to lie back and let the other person do all the work, we call them starfish in OZ. I guess it’s polite to give the person who is doing all the work some encouragement. But, serious, I’ve never understood the point of being a starfish.
Or a pillow queen (U.S. version) 😉
Or maguro (Japanese version? – so I’m told)
You would be correct. I like starfish the best 🙂
It’s so descriptive and visual at the same time. I’ve seen Tuna at the aquarium – man those things are muscular, and they really move fast. Terrifying things really.
Their eyeballs scare me some- so intense!
they look so unfeeling – not wonder they were cast as pseudo-bullies in “Finding Nemo”
Aww…Nemo!
Love that movie… I’m not so sure about the sequel – “Finding Dory”… Dory was the best thing about the first movie, and if she’s away for most of the movie, all you get is nemo and the father.
I love your Nemo knowledge!
I had no idea there was a “Finding Dory”…as I confuse scenes from “The Little Mermaid”.
I guess it’s because Finding Nemo is my favorite of the Pixar films. I like it so much because I used to spend a lot of my childhood reading books about the animals in the Australian oceans, so all of those creatures in that film were superstars to me. They did such a good job of showing all the creatures found in Australian oceans.
That is so darn endearing 🙂
Hilarious story XDDDD
I love your sassiness 🙂
Thank you!
After an arbitrary number of curious experiences, I thought, why not share? Because life can be so damn weird 🙂
One of the funniest and most awkward things I’ve ever read
Certainly felt awkward…so awkward, that night.
Is this like a current experience or something in the past? I’d be interested in seeing how the roommate thing turns out lol
It was in the past. My timeline that starts each post attempts to indicate when-ish the events I write about happened. The roommate situation ended up being not too bad; we both had crazy busy and different schedules so didn’t see each other too much. There were issues, sure, but being 19 will do that 😉
Pingback: Living with the ex | My BF turned me into a lesbian...in Japan