are a weakness.
Loaded pauses, hypnotizing and consuming conversations— but about what, I don’t remember because what I’m left with is how I feel, which is simply great.
The newborn teenager that is potential love is a beautiful beast. Its insistent and unignorable presence is such a flood of feel-good that all energies revolve around It.
I agree to help him out with an art project. I’d said five? words over the course of a year to him before that night. Project tasking goes well; the chat that follows, even better. There’s something that we see and feel in the other; a significant something where four hours pass like twenty minutes. Then the almost-nauseating nerves(!) that strike before I call him, just because I want to hear his voice. I’m nervous because there’s no practical reason to call, nowhere to go after, “Hey…”
But he makes it so easy.
“Hey…I can hear the smile in his voice, which makes me smile. I was wondering when you’d call…”
And the only awkwardness is the bit I created in my head.
When I next talk to him it’s in person and before I know it, we’re on the floor of a gallery, fucking.
It’s amazing the number of firsts that so quickly and effortlessly happen with this new, fascinating stranger. Before two weeks pass, I realize how many ‘I would nevers’ have occurred. It’s exciting and it’s so damn fun.
The ordinary becomes extraordinary and the hitherto unfamiliar, forever memorable.
A different beginning, another time: I’m so caught up in thoroughly romantic feelings that when I open a ring box, expecting jewelry and see instead, a single perfect-in-its-imperfection delicate coil shell, my heart immediately goes, “Aww…” Then when I unwrap an even more delicate coil of paper with four simple words and a question mark, of course I whisper, “Yes.”
I’m young, naïve, and utterly in love.
Recently, a friend observes that I write a lot about endings.
Yes, I do.
I learn the most from endings as they’re so varied and often a mindfuck— but wow, do I learn my limits.
But I get his point.
Why not include the priceless, unique and intoxicating pure awesomeness that starts every good love story?
Without that heady start, we just don’t fall so hard.
And falling is…everything.