that it costs this much for me to exist.
No, it’s not.
She means it’s not fair to me and our joint finances.
I mean it’s not fucking fair that the world we live in is such a place that her transition and maintenance costs what it does.
I feel ranty.
Here we go:
The crossroads of cancer, mental illness, ERs, ambulances, lab fees, hormones, disability, coverage, prescription medicine and freedom of choice have left me incredibly pessimistic about health and care and democracy.
Terminal illness with ‘awesome’ insurance means the drugs that could prolong death for a few weeks still cost $500/pill. The system is one where disability can go through…just doesn’t mean it will happen before the applicant dies.
S’s monthly hormones become an increasingly uphill battle; because it’s not difficult enough living in a world with zero laws protecting transsexuals, let alone rights.
Emergency medicine is a scary Medusa-head all its own. It really sucks to have a monetized statement that makes one feel like they’ll be paying for their life for the rest of their life.
Existing=living above one’s means?!
And that’s not even mentioning health maintenance.
Motherfuck y’all, I don’t believe in American health insurance.
I have zero trust in medicine, which is really sad as I believe in science and technology but those pharmaceutical companies feel so damn dirty.
I believe in x-rays and sonograms and the more dimensions of the latter, the better.
I believe in keeping stress at bay and vitamin-B shots.
I believe in hydration and safer sex.
I believe in exercise and education.
I don’t even believe in lab results.
They test my urine and say it can only be classified as NON-HUMAN because there aren’t enough proteins. They ask/accuse me if I substituted my urine. Jesus fucking the Virgin Mary because it hurts so good, NO. I did not trap my dog’s urine.
And no, life isn’t fair.
If life were fair, there wouldn’t be blind people, said one of the most smart(ass) men I’ve ever met.
But isn’t that why this democracy thing exists?
To help balance the naturally occurring challenges that happen to every single one of us?
I feel so 1984 pre-bubble bursting optimistic but we’re only as strong as the weakest among us, right?
And so many are in a weakened position.
Fuck the marginalization.
Fuck fucking each other over.