isn’t so abnormal, is it?
My life isn’t contained in this crazy-magical, rainbow-confetti snowglobe whirlwind filled with exploding closets, overcrowded vanities and non-stop tucking. Really, my life is fairly mundane. Everyday I am just being me, staying busy, surviving and hopefully thriving.
Even to my chosen family (amazing, beautiful fucking weirdos) my situation is a tad incomprehensible. But I get to thinking and the root issue with my transsexual GF is simply a matter of dealing with constant (sometimes massive) change and the overriding question on a steady loop in my head is, how much change can I really handle? Sure, most people aren’t in my exact situation but don’t we all face this question in life?
I think I’m super adaptable and I like the idea of change but in my current relationship, my capacity to adjust and evolve is constantly and scrupulously examined. My self-proclaimed open-mindedness and willingness to explore new and uncomfortable spheres haven’t been tested like this before.
And it is daunting.
Beneath my wanderlust and seemingly fluid sexuality, I don’t like experiencing too many changes at once. And currently, many looming changes require perpetual shifting, transitioning and adapting, which means I’m experiencing consistent discomfort and insecurity. My logical brain is over this taxing process, but my slightly sadistic side appreciates a mental earthquake and an emotional jolt.
Despite the confusion I face when thinking about the future with my GF (namely, is there one?), I really try to stay in the moment and not overthink what lies ahead. This is difficult for me but it’s the only way our relationship has a chance of working out because who the hell knows how emotions and attractions will change; there is just no telling. Staying supremely in the here and now is a huge challenge but the rigorous honesty it demands certainly keeps me from becoming complacent and that’s an excellent thing.
So moving to and living in Tokyo with a transsexual in transition means: people change, ideologies metamorphize, assumptions disappear and serious growth occurs…okay, wait, I totally lied; I do live in a crazy-magical, rainbow-confetti snowglobe and I feel really fucking lucky for it.
P.S. Thank god for stupid fucking DOMA getting its ass kicked, right?
2 thoughts on “My new normal”
so love reading these. keep writing woman!
Thank you thank you for the encouragement, Livia!!