in an open relationship.
Me: So…I changed my mind. Let’s try an open relationship. Is that okay with you?
Her: You know I’ve been okay with (read: wanting) that from day 1 (post coming out); you were the one who took issue with it.
Me: Right…so let’s try it?
It feels so fucking weird. I would never have thought I’d do this but apparently it’s not so uncommon that even Facebook lists it as an option. I feel that I have officially become one of those people, you know, the ones who make you feel apprehensive because they’re that kind of unwelcome-to-the-general-public strange and different.
Well, fuck my self-consciousness. Who am I kidding? I was always one of those people.
So why now? Goddamn sexual attraction. That inexplicable shit is fucked up in that I can’t control nor sway it. As GF becomes more bio-femmey, an intangible but very solid something is disappearing. Aside from that bio-chemical attraction shifting, everything else is pretty damn perfect; we get along (except when I pick fights), support each other and have crazy love and respect for each other. Perhaps open-relationshipping is the missing link that will make us consummately satisfied?
Historically I’ve said no way for 2 reasons:
1) I don’t like the idea of strangers and their bodily fluids contaminating my cozy, secure sphere or my person.
2) I don’t know how capable I am of this because once I’m into someone, it’s really fucking hard for me to be attracted to someone else. I’ve never been able to even date more than one person at a time; casual is difficult.
What the shitshitshit?
In typical me fashion, I look up to see my new world order only after I’ve committed to the new change, which I spearheaded. Seriously, I am the world’s worst dater; I have negative capacity to read between the lines, take everyone at their word and cannot even begin to understand dating etiquette*.
Which means single(ish) me is about to entertain the hell out of my friends and thoroughly mortify me. Here we go again.
*Seriously, I thought the best way to show romantic disinterest is to pay the first date resto tab, even if it costs triple digits. Apparently not. How do you people know this shit?!