and it’s really fucking cute.
But also, the fuck?!
This is unexpected. When she was my boyfriend, he didn’t have an iota of jealousy in him. I tested his J-meter: nada.
So what gives?
Becoming female. With boyfriend.
He’s a really good guy, one who doesn’t shy from expressing feelings of love and hurt. He freely compliments her physical and mental everything as he feels it, which is pretty damn often…so sweet, new love. Insecurity doesn’t exist, yet as soon as she hears another female in the background, a knee-jerk response articulates: Who’s that? She surprises herself with this iteration— a serious first— but in that moment her heart can’t help but feel a possessive tug and a quick flash-beat of disquiet.
As she tells me this, I can’t help but quietly wow at the psychological change I’m witnessing; for a split second my emotional whirlpool produces a thin line of sadness, reminiscing that I never did trigger this kind of possessive want from him. But that was a different time, a different relationship, a different person. I snap out of my flashback moment and smile; the woman before me is a changed individual, indeed.
Which leads me to another funny-cute moment of late.
S is really popular with the boys, especially Americans from the West Coast.
“So he’d fly me out to visit him.”
“Wow, S…he’s really into you.”
“Yeah…but I’m not so into him.”
“Umm…squirmy gaze avoidance…”
This is going to be good as she’s rarely shy around me.
“Except he doesn’t even fully realize it yet but he totally is. I think that’s partly why he likes me so much.”
Head cocked, slow smile, raised eyebrow.
“Shut up, Rumi!”
I continue to look at her, put my hands up and shrug to show amused non-judgment.
“Look, I can’t be with a transsexual. I have no interest. Plus…he has the whole coming out and transition process ahead of him and…I just…can’t. He needs so much support, I’d feel like I was his…mother.”
At this point I’m outright smirking as S tells me to shut it for the nth time.
We can’t help but bust out laughing as she’s heard those exact words come out of my mouth when we were going through a painful break up.
“I get it, Rumi. I thought I did then but I really get it.”
I get that life is often full-circle but shit, I wasn’t expecting that one just yet.
Sure does give me a smile moment…significant changes.